spooky, scary

in which I attempt to make things not so frightening.

Soundtrack: ‘Round Midnight, Miles Davis

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darkness falls across the land.

I have a love-hate relationship with therapy.

I hate that I need it, I hate reliving pain and trauma, but I love how much lighter I feel to release it all. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety since middle school, but it wasn’t until about ten years ago that I gave in to seeking help. It was a tough realization to come to; I had years of cultural and societal stigma telling me “this is you giving up/being weak” and I had to shatter that notion. My doctor once told me this - after embarrassingly breaking down in the exam room - and I use it as an analogy to anyone who has questioned seeking help or taking medication: If you had a heart condition and needed to take medication for it for a better life, you would take it, right? So, why should your brain be any different? Your brain is another vital organ, one that needs to be taken care of just as much as your body. So if there was a way to lessen the pain, and medication or therapy or alternative medicine helped, why not try? Medication is not an easy road; you can play trial and error for months or even years, but once you find something that works for you, its completely life-changing. It took me longer to start therapy; that I didn’t start until shortly before COVID but I remember those first few sessions so vividly because I felt my walls crumbling down around me. I realized I was more than just a shell of a person, I still had a beating heart, and dreams, and so much love to give yet.

I’m working on changing my mindset on a lot of things. A part of that journey is try to do things that seem scary, especially when it comes to putting myself out there. Confidence has always been my biggest hurdle. A big event looming (see below) is something I have to mentally prepare for, but it comes with the territory of this crazy writing/publishing world.

In restarting my therapy journey (I had a pause due to dumb insurance), I’ve had to relive those scars over again, BUT there is so much less shame this time around. The scars don’t open up, but instead shoot phantom pains - there and gone in a moment. Time heals, yes, but so does telling your story. Finding your voice among the noise and harsh whispers, reaching out and through until you see the light again, is the greatest gift you can give to yourself. If you’re going through a hard time right now, I wish that for you. I’m sending you love and kindness and grace to find that peace again. Whether it’s little things like posting a photo of yourself that you like for the world to see or bigger things like asking for help in your most darkest hour, you are, to quote Pooh, “braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

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the midnight hour is close at hand.

I’m having my very first book signing! If you are in Oklahoma, please come and see me! You can purchase an advance copy by clicking on the image below, or buy one in-store. I’m truly so excited for this opportunity to share my work and connect with readers. Hope to see you there!

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creatures crawl in search of blood.

Happy Halloween to all who join in the fun and Feliz Dia De Los Muertos to all who celebrate. Today I’m remembering my tia and bisabuela (great-grandmother), who nurtured my passions every day on this earth, even when I was thousands of miles away. I miss you both - te quiero.

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to terrorize y’all’s neighborhood.

PAID SUBS: Here’s your continuation of the Haunted Mansion story (see the bottom of this letter). Hoping to put another one up again soon, so stay tuned!

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recs.

• What I’m Reading - Sword Catcher, Cassandra Clare

  • I LIVE for Cassie Clare, I’ve been reading her since high school and she was my first exposure into YA fantasy. Her first dive outside of Shadowhunter territory has been a lot of fun so far, and I’m sure I’ll be in book hangover central once it’s done.

    

• What I’m Watching - Cobweb (Hulu)

  • Okay, I’m a horror wuss. I’ll be the first to admit it. Scary shit gives me nightmares for months. I still cannot see The Exorcist or Poltergeist or Chucky again because that was YEARS of checking under the bed and in closets from fear. But at the same time, I cannot look away from psychological thrillers and non-gory horror. I caught this on a whim (Lizzy Caplan is great in anything), and when I tell you it gave me goosebumps all over my skin at the creepiness. ::shudder:: Worth a watch though, for the cinematography, editing, and styling alone.

    

• What I’m Listening To - Remember When It Rained (Live), Josh Groban

  • As an OG fan from twenty years ago, I love that Josh is getting his deserving renaissance. I’ve been obsessed lately with this particular track, from his concert, because the way he belts after the piano interlude (3:20 mark) is truly amazing. Will always be in awe of his talent. GIVE HIM ALL THE BROADWAY ROLES.

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november rain.

To prep for my book signing and the upcoming holiday, I will only be doing one newsletter next month. Enjoy your November and this lovely sweater weather <3